Just a Ring

Those little circles hold so much symbolism. Round and round to eternity for one. What type you pick tells something about who you are. How important they are, when you wear them, when you take them off.

The story of my wedding ring. We shopped around for one we could afford in college. I wanted a plain gold band. P. wanted a heart shaped diamond. He got his way. We found a nice little .25 carat heart that P. kept talking about upgrading eventually but I wanted to keep. After all, it was 'the ring' we got married with, anything else was just show. So he began talking showy anniversary bands.

At one point, while playing soccer at a local park with some friends, the diamond fell out. It was replaced since it was still under warranty, but still, it changed the feel of 'my ring'. Sometime in '98 I became aware of conflict diamonds and nixed Pete's window shopping for a new band. No new diamonds, make them some other stone or antiques.

Early in June '06, the diamond fell out again. I was informed this happens frequently in heart shaped diamonds. So we began shopping again, sending links back and forth trying to find a balance between P.'s desire to show how much he loved me by the size of the ring and my desire to be socially conscious (oh and it didn't help I learned there were issues with gold mining too- why did that surprise me?)

Given our problems in the fall that we are trying to work through now, I feel that maybe the diamond falling out and the subsequent inability to agree on a ring was a sign. P. assured me it wasn't.

But in the meantime, after reaching my personal precipice and jumping over it (as read in my St. George entry), I had purchased a posey ring with money I earned sewing. It was custom made with the words: Moment by Moment. I wanted a reminder that I could survive anything moment by moment. The sentiment has been a blessing to me given all that has happened. Even more so when a talk with my pastor revealed that there is a scripture that basically says you let Jesus in moment by moment. It's not a once and forever thing, you have to keep open to Him. The same with forgiveness. You don't forgive once, you forgive every moment you make the choice to do so.

I wore that ring on my right, my left hand feeling empty. Eventually, Pete asked me to wear something on my left hand and I picked a tiny anniversary band I hadn't worn in years. On our anniversary, he sent me a temporary replacement ring he ordered online.

Today, he sent a link to a new diamond band. Ready to renew our relationship, he actually picked something conflict free. It's a blend of the two of us and the sentiment is very much appreciated. So that's what's got me thinking about the symbolism of rings. How in the beginning, my preferences weren't listened to, and now, they are. It also is making me think of a phrase I have been seeing a lot lately. You can't unring a bell. There are things you have done that can't be undone. The reverberations stay with you for years, sometimes for always. While marriages can be broken, they can't be unrung. They follow you in some form always. I suppose that's why we are trying to get it right even now, even after all that has happened. The bell ringing the sound of our marriage? Maybe we can make it into music rather than a jarring reminder of flaws.