Mom-to-Mom Answers

What?
There's a book that was put out before, called the Mom-to-Mom Guide to the Baby Years. It involved a series of surveys that were compiled into a book. I'm ashamed to say, I made it into the book. Ashamed because my most doofus answers were in that book.

They've created another one and this time around it's going to be actually distributed in bookstores. If it's like the first, I wouldn't put my $15.95 down for it.

But this time, I did my best to have more complete answers. Before I had been under the impression that there would be some clarification process.




Here they are!
1) Is there any way for an expectant mom to prepare for nursing in order to relieve any potential soreness she might feel? Did you do this and did it work for you?

You can check and see if you have flat or inverted nipples. If that's the case, you can wear shells prior to birth to draw them out. Otherwise, most cases of nipple soreness aren't because the nipples aren't "tough" enough, but can be attributed to bad latch or postioning.

I'd highly reccomend reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding published by La Leche League (or any other good breastfeeding book reccomended by a lactation consultant such as Dr. Sear's The Breastfeeding Book). Breastfeeding is one of those things you learn by example, so the best way to prepare is to talk to people who have been there. Just like with pregnancy chats, try to make sure those you talk to are mainly positive!


2) What is the best way to cope with sore nipples from nursing?

I found that a good lanolin like Lanisoh worked wonders for my occasional soreness. the other thing that corrected most soreness is to make sure I was holding baby in the correct position (tummy to tummy) and the latch was good (not just sucking on the tip of the nipple.)


3) What essential tips can you share with new moms who are having trouble nursing?

Find support. Many people are leery of La Leche League, but I found that their extreme reputation is unwarranted. The women in my group were just like me. If you're cautious about going to a meeting right off, you can call a local leader (find one at www.lalecheleague.org or 1-800-LALECHE)

Make sure you let your family know that you need their support. You don't want to hear about giving up. Give away those formula samples.

If you make it through the first 8 weeks, it's generally smooth sailing after that!


4) What products were "must haves" to make nursing easier/more comfortable?

To begin with all I needed was a good chair and a nursing pillow. I loved the My Brest Friend pillow because it had a strap to velcro around my waist and a pocket for the phone or whatever. That wasn't too great at night though (before I learned to nurse lying down!) because the velcro was so loud coming off. In that case, a Boppy was good. A nursing pillow is like training wheels. It helps you get used to holding baby up in a good latch position.


5) What is your favorite bottle (brand and type) and what makes it your favorite?

I liked the Advent bottles. But it really doesn't matter what mom likes, baby will make up it's own mind. So I'd say try not to buy to many bottlles until you know what works. Also keep in mind that bottles can contribute to nipple confusion (nipple preference it's also called). You don't have to use bottles. There are soft spout sippy cups (take out the no-spill device), bendable cups and even syringes (no needles of course!) that drip milk into baby's mouth instead of teaching them a lazy suck like bottles do. These can be used with infants of all ages.

1) What is your favorite place to get baby pictures taken and why?

I liked Picture People because generally I could find someone who was really good with my child. There are cute props there, but they also know how to highlight your child, instead of some character background or something.

I don't like that almost no national portrait place will take even discreet nursing pictures. It's a beautiful time in our lives and it would be nice if mothers can document it in a beautiful way.

2) What is your favorite way to preserve memories from the baby years (i.e., baby book, time capsule, bronzing shoes, etc.) Why do you prefer this method?

I've gotten into Creative Memories. What I learned from my consultant is to scrapbook simply to make sure it's done and to journal! We want to know the stories behind the pictures.

One tip-besides your regular camera, keep a disposable one in the baby bag. For those "I wish I had a camera" moments.

3) If you know how to make scrapbooks, what is an easy way for a novice to get started and what products/tips or strategies can you recommend for a beginner? Why do you recommend them?

I'd say talk to a Creative Memories consultant. These people are scrapbookers themselves and can help tailor what you need and can afford to get started with. They can give you tips on how to start and get caught up. Many of them offer workshops or scrapbooking times when you can go to their place and scrapbook in peace with extra supplies at your fingertips.

4) What products (camcorders, digital cameras, software tools) can you recommend for moms who want an easy way to capture everyday memories of their kids? Please be specific with brands, etc. and tell me why you prefer this one.

We love our Casio digital camera. It's small so we can take it anywhere. It takes a universal card that also fits into my PDA so I can look at pictures there. It also take mini-movies (ours our soundless but I understand some you can record sounds too). And it cost around $200. We can take all the pictures we want!

1. What is the best way to soothe a colicky baby?
I can't say.

2. What tips can you share for relieving constipation in babies?

I can't say. Exclusively breastfed babies rarely get constipated.

3. What tips can you share for coaxing a burp out of a gassy baby?

Hold the baby sitting up on your lap, tummy against your forearm. With the other hand rotate your figertips up baby's spine in a firm, circular massaging motion. Repeat as needed.

4. How do you make bath time with a newborn easier and more fun?

Have everything ready. Make it quick, washing head to toe. You can also get in the bath with baby resting on your legs. Skin to skin contact is great for newborns.

1. What are your favorite, most creative ways to save money on baby products, gear, clothing, food and household essentials?

Baby gear- All I really used was the carseat and a sling. Babies are so simple, all they really want is your arms.
Clothing- I hit the sales, bought ahead for the next season. Checked out consignment shops.
Food- I use less prepackaged foods.
There's a great book called Tiptionary that helps you know how to save on household stuff and more.


2. Have you started a college fund yet? If so, what type(s) of fund, plan or investment vehicle did you choose? Why?

We've just started a savings account until we have more ready cash for other investments. Some friends and family have gotten savings bonds.

3. What web sites can you recommend to new moms to help them save money on baby and household purchases and why?

Ebay. You can decide how much you're willing to pay. You can find just about anything.

4. How do you save money on child care or babysitting?

I stay at home. Our playgroup created a babysitting co-op. We all started out with a certain amount of hour and half hour poker chips and paid each other with those. That way our children were with someone they knew- and had the bonus of having a child they knew to play with.

1. What are your favorite sources (stores, catalogs, web sites) for baby furniture, bedding, window treatments and decorative accessories? Please be specific, and tell me why you like them.

I made most of the decorations, curtains are simple. As for the rest, we ended up co-sleeping so it's a moot question. Ask me about the rewards of being close together at night and I can talk your ear off!

2. What furniture, bedding and accessory pieces are "must haves" for a new baby's room? Why?

Start simple, you need to see how it actually is with baby instead of how your expect it to be. Maybe a comfortable chair for nursing anda convertable crib (if you must have one). A dresser that can double as a changing table and maybe a small bookcase for toys and books.


3. What ideas can you share for saving money on baby furniture, bedding, and other nursery essentials? If you have specific stores, catalogs and web sites you used, please share them and tell me what you loved about them.

Use furniture that has a double purpose, such as a low dresser for a changing table. Furniture that grows with the child, such as a convertable crib is also great.


4. Do you recommend a new mom buy a rocking chair for the baby's room? If so, what kind (brand and type) do you recommend and why?

I loved mine, but keep in mind it takes up more room to rock. Also an active baby can get fingers smooshed. It's one of those things that feels right or doesn't, there is no one answer.

5. What is your favorite brand of crib and why?

I couldn't say brand, but type: convertible. It grows with your child, and if you decide to co-sleep (or baby decides to co-sleep)! you can take one side off and fasten it to the side of your bed for a spot to keep baby nearby and safe.

1. What are the best, easiest or most creative ways you've heard of to announce a baby's birth? What makes them so wonderful?

Having family far away, I love the websites like www.growthspurts.com or www.babiesonline.com
I also liked one idea a family I knew did. They used fabric paint to write the stats on a onsie then took a picture of the baby in it and sent it out. It seemed so much more personal.


2. Can you recommend a favorite catalog, web site or store for baby announcements? Please specify and tell me what makes it your favorite.

I designed my own in the fashion of a movie premier. Print Shop is pretty great, but there are so many desktop publishing options available now that even parents who would normally have to use generic announcements can now personalize for not much more.


3. What advice/tips can you offer new moms for getting thank-you notes for baby gifts done easily and quickly?

Do what you can ahead of time. Address and stamp envelopes, write part of a note (We're so glad to have you to share our joy with...).

4. What secrets can you share for making the planning of a baptism, bris, baby naming or christening as stress-free (for the mom) as possible?

Get what you can in place beforehand. Delegate what can't be done before baby is born to others. After all, you're a new mom and when baby is born, it's time to relax and enjoy that babymoon!

1) New moms have to deal with unsolicited advice, unwelcome visits and pressures about their choices, from breastfeeding (or not) to sleeping, burping and everything in between.
What was the biggest problem that came up for you as a new mom in dealing with relatives? And what advice can you offer new moms who are going through similar challenges right now?

Generally we avoided problems by not discussing our parenting choices (which are somewhat alternative). For example, if they asked how he was sleeping at night, we'd just say fine. He was sleeping fine- for a baby, not for what others expected.

For new moms I'd say adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Keep it social unless you're discussing with someone you know will understand. If someone decides to be intrusive and you can't avoid it, then ask them "Why do you want to know?"

You can joke it off, you can blow it off, you can handle it however the situation merits. But remember that it doesn't matter what others think you are doing right or wrong, only what is working for your child.

2) How can a new mom set limits with well-meaning relatives who drive her crazy? What words can she use?

There's not one thing that works for all situations. In general I'd say "I have made informed choices that I am happy with and so is my child. They're not up for discussion." I often have information to back myself up if needed. Or interesting facts to distract them.


3) What advice can you offer new moms about having relatives visit the hospital, either during or after delivery? Did you have visitors? Did you like it or would you have preferred they stay home? How can a new mom communicate her wishes to relatives beforehand?

Set the limits. You're the parent and don't feel like you have to bend for others in this tender period of your life with a new infant.

We had no visitors in the hospital. We had offers to come and stay to help for a few weeks, but I refused. We wanted to enjoy our babymoon as a family. My husband did really well taking care of me for the first week he had off.

I simply said, "We're looking forward to spending time together alone as a family for the first few weeks. You're welcome to come for a day, but remember, we are getting used to being a mom and dad with a baby and need to work it out on our own."

1) Think about the qualities you looked for when buying your first stroller. For example, perhaps you wanted it to be able to accommodate an infant carrier or be lightweight, have a big basket or a cup-holder for you. Which qualities would you recommend a new mom look for when shopping for a first stroller?

We barely used our large stroller. Once I got the hang of the sling, both of us were much happier. Slings have the added advantage that people out in public will be less likely to get in baby's face and touch. Unpadded slings can be put with baby in a carseat so they can be lifted out and carried without being woken up.

We got the most use from our umbrella stroller. I made sure to look for one that reclines a bit. There are some neat strollers out now that seem to be hybrids. Lightweight and compact like umbrella strollers, but still have reclining and baskets to hold your stuff.


2) What brand of stroller do you recommend? (Note: If you're recommending a snap 'n go, please note that there are two brands: The Snap 'N Go by Swan Infant Products and the Universal Carrier by Kolcraft). You may like more than one brand (after all, many moms do end up with more than one stroller), but please choose the brand you'd recommend for a first stroller only, and tell us WHY you'd recommend it.


3. What features/qualities should a new mom look for in a first car seat (for a newborn)?

Safety. Do some research, ask other people how their carseat is working. Most stores will let you try the carseat out in your car. Make sure if you get a convertible it reclines enough for a tiny newborn. Remember that there are often height as well as weight restrictions. My son was out of his bucket carseat height-wise byfive months, even if he could still be in it according to the weight standards.


4. What brand of car seat do you recommend to new moms for a first car seat? Why do you recommend it?

Britax. It has excellent safety records and is very comfortable for the child. They are more costly than some carseats, but you can choose one which will last for more than a year.

1. What products are on your list of "must haves" for new moms? Why do you recommend them?

A sling. If you find a good sling, you can use it for years. I know some moms that still use theirs occasionaly with their 4 year olds. You can go from cradle hold to back carry positions and everything in between. I can't tell you how often I have been stopped and asked where to get one, or older ladies saying they wish they had one when their kids were young.

An unpadded one is great, such as the Maya Wrap or Taylor Made Treasure (www.mayawrap.com or www.taylormadetreasure.com )

Cloth diapers are fun now. Believe it or not, the moms that I know that cloth diaper love it. No pins needed and the prints are absolutely adorable! There are limitless choices out there. And you can be assured that for an extra load or two of laundry a week, you are not only keeping those chemicals from your infants bottom, but you are reducing what goes into landfills.

Besides those things and clothes, all my baby needed was a breast to nurse from and arms to be held in, and I already have that.

2. What products would you recommend a new mom avoid (i.e., they weren't worth the money)? Why?

One of those SUV type strollers. They are just a hassle. Anything that substitues for the arms and love of a parent for too long, because it's all right to hold your baby; that's what they need.


3. What is your favorite brand of baby clothes and why?

We just hit what was on sale. No brand loyalty here. Target has great baby clothes, made under the Carter name.

4. Where is your favorite place to get baby products and gear? Why do you recommend it?

Target and Ikea. Between those two places there is such a variety and the prices are reasonable.


5. Where would you recommend a new mom register for baby products, bedding, clothes and/or gear?

My first choice would be to ask for gift certificates so you can see what you actually need once the baby is here. For stuff you know you will need, like clothes register at a store that has a selection you like.

6. What is your favorite brand and model of high chair? Why?

It's hard to find now, but there was a highchair that converted to a small chair and a table. It's great because it will take forever for a child to grow out of.


7. What is your favorite brand and type of bottle? Why do you recommend it?



8. What is the one baby product you wish someone would invent?

I think there should be fewer baby gadgets. All of these products aren't for the babies, but parents instead. To make their lives easier or to follow what society says a baby needs. Babies don't read the parenting books. Babies are simple creatures who just need love, food and security. As parents, we come equipped with those.

1. What tips or tricks can you share with new moms about getting a shower? Remember, we're talking about new moms, here. Remember when you felt so overwhelmed, you couldn't remember if you brushed your teeth that day?

They tell you to nap with the baby, but I would sneak in a quick shower during one of those naps. My baby was always near-by, and I would poke my head out for any little sound I heard.

2. Most new moms don't realize how much work a baby is until after they have one. What ideas/strategies can you share for relieving the stress of new motherhood?

Realize it's all about the baby, don't worry about the house or taking care of others. Let them take care of you. Also, let go and let them take care of baby too. Baths, changing diapers, whatever can help you out.

3) How can a mom get dad to pitch in and help more?

Realize that he won't do everything your way and let it go. Let him know how much he is needed in your little family.

4) What are some fun dates, outings or bonding rituals new moms can share with their babies?

Going outside on a nice day and look up at the leaves on a tree. Your baby will find it so fascinating- and you will find your baby so fascinating!

Take a mom and baby class, such as yoga, swimming or massage.

5) What tips/ideas can you share with new moms about carving out time for yourself?

If you have a hobby like scrapbooking, writing, sewing, whatever, have a little project set up so you can accomplish something in those moments you didn't expect a break. It will relax you.

For those planned moments alone, don't think of them as leaving your child, but instead as letting baby have time with a loved one. And if you don't need a break from your baby, don't feel bad about that either.

For Stay at Home Moms:

1) How do you cope when you're exhausted, overwhelmed, bored and/or stressed to the max from being at home alone with baby (and/or kids)?

I call a friend who has been there. Sometimes bathtime is great- giving a bath even when it's not "time." It is a nice change of pace, he's contained in an area and enjoying the novelty of it all. I can sit there and read a book while he plays.

2) What is the one thing you didn't expect and nobody told you about being home with baby (or kids)?

Everyone talks about the terrible twos. From my time working daycare I was convinced that it was the terrible threes. They are just wanting to be so independent, yet don't have the verbal or motor skills to follow through. They get frustrated, you get frustrated; it's like having a tiny teenager.

3) How can you stop other moms/relatives/friends/your husband from asking you to do everything from go to the grocery store to watching their kids just because you're at home?

Of course I run errands for my husband. But as for the rest, it's never happened unless it was for another mom staying at home. I have a playgroup of other stay-at-home moms and we put together a babysitting co-op so that we could have help with things like errands and doctor's appointments.

4) We know the debate between working and stay at home moms is often contentious. We also know that moms should be working together; not fighting each other. That's what this book is all about. Raising kids is hard, no matter what choices you make. What is the one thing you'd like to hear from working moms to help end the debate?

That staying at home is a job. I had planned on going back to work, but since I worked with children staying at home just changed my job from "paid" to "non-paid" status.

1. What tips/ideas can you share for making long car trips with babies and little kids easier (on you) and more fun (for them)?

Don't try to "make good time." Plan for stops and let little bodies stretch. Have some toys set aside for the trip that they haven't seen before (or seen in a long time.) Have some new music to play. think of what would make it fun for you if you were a child and do those things.

2) How can you make traveling by plane with a baby easy and stress-free?

Pack light, be prepared to make use of a skycap if needed. My sling was great for holding baby while I held everything else. If you' buying two seats, you can request an aisle and a window seat in the back and usually there will be an open seat you can use. If not, normally people are good about switching so you can sit together.


I have to say that my long trips to visit extended family (one trip was just me and baby) gave me a chance to really appreciate the simplicity of baby breastfeeding. That and a sling and a few diapers were all we needed- even flying cross country. Of course, when he got older, some toys were helpful too.


3) What essential, must-have items should moms bring with them to make travel with little kids easier?

A change of clothes and some kind of wipes for cleanup. Plastic bags to put messes in. Otherwise, I'm of the mindset the simpler, the better. Little kids might like quiet toys or a book on tape they can listen to through headphones (for traveling when other people might not want to hear Dr. Seuss one more time).


4) What was the biggest obstacle/challenge you've faced when traveling with kids, and how did you handle it?

The balancing act. I try to travel light. I also use backpack bags instead of regular diaper bags. My luggage can be dragged along on wheels behind me, but I always have my child right there in the sling with me.

1. How did you know your child was ready for potty training?

He started showing awareness of what was going on and talking to me about it. He also showed interest in the whole bathroom scene.

2. What struggles, if any, did you experience with potty training and what can advice can you share with other moms about those struggles -- in other words, what did you learn?

I'd potty trained many two-year olds when I was working daycare. Mainly I would start by having them go before they went to sleep and as soon as they woke up from naptime. You learn a child's rhythm.

I've since learned that some children potty train later than others. I know of kids that taught themselves at 18 months and others at 4 years. That's all within the acceptable range.

Don't stress about it. If a child must be trained for daycare, pay attention to his cues. Normally after eating, drinking or waking up a child has to go potty. Help them get used to the feeling of the need to go. Trying to force it won't help, because using the potty is one of the few things in life the child has total control of.

3. What tips/techniques help make the process of potty training easier?

With my own son, we had switched to cloth diapers when he was 18 months old. I could see a definite change in him because he could actually feel the wetness. And when he had a BM, he was involved in flushing it. I also let him have some naked time. He could see a connection between the feeling in his body and what was happening (instead of a suddenly dirty of wet diaper). I saw a real progression in his awareness. Starting with the realization that something was happening and ending with him controlling what was happening. By the time he was 2 1/2 he had "potty learned." There was no training involved and no stress.

4. How can you get a picky eater to eat?

Offer a variety of foods and realize that toddlers often don't eat much. Give them things to dip their food in. Some kids like certain textures and hate others, find out what your child likes and get foods that work for her. Don't make it an issue- food is one of the three things that a child has total control over.

5. How do you get your little one to eat veggies?

He used to eat broccoli raw or straight from the freezer. Now he's not so eager, so I do things like cook zucchini bread or shred vegetables into spaghetti sauce or some other food I know that he eats. I also add some to smoothies- carrots are great additions to smoothies. But my surefire way to get him to try a food is to have him involved in making it in some way.

6. What is the easiest way to get rid of the pacifier?

Don't have one. Ok, not always practical. But your child's need for sucking will eventually go away; wait for that and in the meantime, try to limit when he has a pacifier.

7. What is the easiest way to stop thumb-sucking?

8. How do you help little kids cope when they're afraid of monsters, clowns and other scary stuff?

I don't force him into a situation that he feels unsafe in. He knows he always has someone he can turn to. So far, nothing has gone beyond him saying "Scary" and looking to us for comfort. If it ever does, I suppose I would do my best to give him the tools to deal with that fear instead of acting as a crutch or trivializing his fear.