Love Letter to my Husband

This time of year is always poignant. We have the anniversary of our first date, follwed very shortly by our wedding anniversary. Then Valentine's Day and the next month, P's birthday.

With so much going on in our lives, it's easy to focus on the negative. And I have more than I like to admit. I've been walking a tightrope of forcing myself to look at harsh reality and trying my best to live in a dream world.

So here I am, ready to look at both. We 'argued' from the very beginning almost. They were debates on homosexuals in the military, whether people should get married just because of a pregnancy and anything else we could come up with. As we've grown apart, I've missed those debates. Instead, our arguments are more real than theories.

But there was also an instant attraction. As 18 year-olds, we played at that game of drawing nearer and pulling away. But finally deciding on each other was a sweet moment. Being taught how to kiss...that's a memory I will have forever.

The times spent with our friends at the beach. Stealing kisses between classes. Cuddled up in a twin-sized dorm bed, whispering dreams and wishes to each other. Finally being able to wake up next to each other everyday, looking into your eyes and saying, "Good morning, I love you." I never thought that would end.

Somehow, we got off track. The stress of living on our own got between us. Our own past and upbringing caused the debates to turn into fights. And soon there was the separation. A mistake that was the catalyst for the next ten years of pain, misunderstanding and sorrow. If only we had talked through everything back then and tried to understand each other.

But now, we are older and wiser. Maybe old enough and wise enough to get past that old pain...and the new ones.

Because I do believe that if we honestly communicate this time, and learn the tools we were never taught growing up, that we can have that happy marriage we had in the beginning. I know it will be a lot of work. I am willing to do it though, because there is so much past there, so much love, that I think we succeed.

I want to continue looking at the stars with you. Go camping, hiking and maybe play tennis again. Going out on dates and exploring new restaurants. Whispering to you each morning as I look into your beautiful, dark eyes, "Good Morning, I love you."