Exchange Rate for Friends

What are friends worth to you? What do you expect out of them? What do you expect to give to them?

Me, I have always wanted people to feel close to, but so many times I thought I was there and things fell short of my expectations that I just hold back now.

What would be my dream friendship? That I could come to a person in any state of mind and be assured that I am not wasting their time or getting in the way of their life. I suppose that would mean I would be a part of their life. I wouldn't have to hold back about fears, dreams, plans, finances, religion, beliefs and so on. I could say, "I need help." And the friend would say, "You got it."

What could a friend expect from me? The same. To be treated like someone as important to me as family (who, BTW, I also long for a closer relationship with).

Right now, I have quite a few friends. And I am ready to give them what they need to make them stronger and happier if I can. But I still hold back because I am afraid of it all being one sided.

It is you know. I've reached out and said I NEED THIS to certain friends, and have gotten no response. I honestly expected more. So I reached out again, to more people. Response this time, but not anything that helped me continue to hold my head above water.

Part of the reason I agreed to move 2hrs away is because I knew that near or far, they weren't the people I needed to go to for help. Now of course I still need the help I wasn't getting before and have to find a more nearby social circle.

Maybe I just need to be more selective. I am so starved for meaningful interaction it's hard though. I do notice that some of my friends are also getting their needs ignored. That's what prompted me to start this particular rant. In my opinion, when a friend needs you, you drop everything you can to be there. If there's something going on in their lives that is a once in a lifetime thing- you participate. Even if you have other plans. If your plans are once a year type thing- well, still hands down for me. It's once a year, you've got next year.

If a friend suggests ways to get closer, you brainstorm what works. Not harp on what doesn't.

And if a friend calls out and says I need people to talk to, you open those ears and listen.

When I friend says I need a life preserver, you throw them ten.

But, maybe it's just me. Maybe the friends I expect are a dying breed.