So, there's a lot of stress going on in my life right now. The totally amazing part to me is that I am not falling apart like I usually do. Oh, I have my moments. But they are not as low as my lows used to be. I am in total amazement and it honestly feels like a little miracle to me. Where are all the self recriminations? the tangible pain inside?
For instance, yesterday was a low day. Sad thoughts followed me around like a cloud of annoying gnats. They annoyed me, there was some small pain, but they weren't the hornets they would have usually been. after awhile, I realized how those thoughts were affecting my attitude, I was getting short with the kids and not doing the chores that needed to be done. So I said a short prayer and took a deep breath, acknowledging that I needed to let go. And I did. The effect was almost immediate. I was smiling and joking with the kids.
Guys, this feels so good. It's like when I have a migraine and it finally goes away. The non-pain I used to take for granted is such a blessed relief. I can't go back to before. I want to hold onto this forever. I am amazed at the miracle that has taken place in me and intend to hold onto it.
12.15.2006
What's the Flip Side?
at 09:18
Labels: being true, change, choices, faith, metamorphosis
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1 i wanna add my .02!:
I'm not sure. I think the pain will always be there, it is in how I handle it. It might be different for each person, but for me, I have had to just let go and have faith. Because holding on has done nothing so far. Most of the time, when I feel the knot building up, I breathe and pray, "I cannot handle this alone. I need this burden lifted." And it has been. I totally blows my mind. Maybe it's just the act of letting go, or maybe it is a eavenly intervention. Whatever it is, it's working. The help I am getting is more for maintence than holding onto it. I was involved in a confrontation today, and it totally amazed me that I did not go back to old patterns. I didn't hold onto the anger or throw around hurtful words.
It's almost scary how much I have changed within. I love it. I want to stay like this, thus getting the help.
I know my answer may not be your answer, but I hope you find the peace you need. There is a light somewhere shining for you that will shrink the shadows in your heart. I hope you find it soon ((((((((((())))))))))
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