Lighting a candle for Gram

Always between Christmas and New Years I think of Gram, since that's when her birthday fell. So I am posting today for her again what I had posted at MDC:


I light this candle for my Gram. I grew up as a military brat of divorced parents, so I didn't see her much until I was on my own.

But she was the only one that ever showed me true and unconditional love. It is her seed, planted and watered with her joy for me, that allows me to try and be a better mother to my children; to be what I never knew.

Just a few months before she passed I was able to visit and share the joy of motherhood with her. She met my son and although she never met my daughter, we can see her shining through. Some of the mischievous spirit of my Gram is alive and well in our little pixie.

When my father called to tell me Gram had passed, I just fell to the floor and cried, denying it to myself. I think part of me is still denying it. I haven't really admitted to anyone else how much it hurts to lose the person who loved me so much, understood me and found joy in me like nobody else did.