sleepless night

my sis is here visiting. my kids are sound asleep. and i can only think of the one person that is not here in our home.

It's so hard to have him gone when we're trying to work out our problems, but the things he's said in the past few days I cling to.

That I am his future.
There will be no sliding downhill as we climb to a happier marriage.
I'm his best friend.
There's a lighthouse we need to go towards and he'll be there with me as we go there.
That though we've been neglectful in each other we can find peace in each other.


Such hope for our marriage, our family. When I want to let go, I can't because he is there encouraging me that we will make it through together. It's like the distance has brought us closer together.

I'd write another love letter to the husband who is holding on through problems, but I don't want to annoy anyone too soon after the last one ;)

woohoo

i fixed it- just switched to a new template. now what pearls of wisdom will I drop?I have so many things I think about then I forget in the day to day activities.

celebrity gossip:
did it strike anyone else as a coincidence (slightly ironic) that on Friends, Anniston's character had a vaginal birth w/ a breech baby. And IRL Jolie had a c-section w/ a footling breech (the tv baby was butt first IIRC).

mental status:
I'm almost scared at how hard things are to understand lately. It's like there's just no more room in my brain. I get so stressed out because I can't seem to grasp things like I used to. Like this whole comments thing. HTML- totally threw me. Yet, I have been known to HTML a webpage in the past.

guilt trips:
DH doesn't really want anything to do with his father. He says no regrets, he doesn't want the drama in his life. But he admits if it wasn't for the family, he might not take that step. I can't help but feel guilty because he might one day regret this. Oddly enough I did the same thing with my mom- too much drama, too little attachment. But that was happening before I even graduated high school.

kids:
man, it is hard to be a parent, but how could I love them more? I honestly think they are the best of who I am.

weight:
I beat myself up over it, yet keep on with the eating habits.