The contradictions of parenting

So many parents are stuck on the idea that they have to make their children independent. An entire industry has sprung up from the desire. Cribs, swings, bouncy seats...I could go on and on. All of these designed to seperate a child from its parent.

Books are written about how to get your child to be independent. So many parents let their tiny infants cry themselves to sleep because they "have to learn to do it sometime." I suppose that means that sooner is better than later.

Toddlers are told to be big boys and girls, pressured to use the potty before they might be ready. Faced with the disappointment of those they love, they struggle not to have an accident and are faced with the failure of their body, not their heart, when their immature bowels take over.

The first day of school, they are told to go- you can leave. Go into that room full of people you don't know in that huge building you've never been in. You can do it- no, you have to do it. There is no room for fear, only room to disappoint.

In middle school- you gotta do it on your own. Deal with that bully on your own. There will be bullies to deal with the rest of your life. Rely on your own strength- I can't give you mine.

So when a child gets to the high school age and is living what s/he has been taught, why do parents get thrown for a loop. I see teenagers fighting for independence, the same that their parents have been trying to instill in them from day one. Isn't this what a parent has dreamed of since they hardened their heart to the little soft baby crying forlornly for them in its crib?

Maybe what we're looking for in the end isn't independence, but interdependence. We want our children to want to be with us. But we're told by society that it's not to the good of the child. If all of this is good, then why are there so many teen problems?

Maybe we need to think harder about the results we want before we take that first step and let our little bundles of joy cry for us.