Letter to a friend who asked for parenting advice

I'm going to go ahead an be honest. I truly believe in attachment parenting. It goes along with everything I learned in school and everything I felt was right once I became a parent. Basically it's meet your child's needs. They can't be spoiled in the first year really. They cry because they need something...even if it's just to be held (don't we all need that at sometime?) I started out breastfeeding because 1) it was cheaper and 2) My husband insisted because he read it made for smarter babies. Once Deedlebug was born, for some reason I *needed* to be able to nurse him (maybe it goes back to not bonding w/ my mom...who knows.) We had some problems (it doesn't come naturally believe it or not) It's been wonderful...all the fears I had of being like my mother and not bonding have gone away.

Since Deedlebug was born I've done A LOT of research...I know...I should have done it BEFORE. But I thought with my schooling (I was a child development/family relations minor) and experience (all those years in day care) I knew everything. Then he proceeded to let me know I didn't ;) He refused to sleep in the bassinet after his first night feeding, finally DH said "Just let him sleep with us!" I was worried and started researching online. I found that the same sense that keeps you from rolling off the bed will keep you from rolling on your baby. True...not only that but at first you keep waking up because your subconscious KNOWS he's there. You take the same precautions you would with a crib...keep baby away from big fluffy pillows and watch the covers. We have our convertable crib w/ the side taken off attached to our bed. It helps parents get more sleep and helps w/ the nursing relationship.

If I had it to do all over again, I would just buy a bigger bed (we eventually went to a king-sized bed), the carseat, diapers (heck, we've switched to cloth now...), a sling and clothes. So much cheaper than everything else, and you can wait till after baby is born to see what you really need. Swing, bouncy seat, high chair...all of that barely used.

I'm telling you all this flat out because I know you're an intelligent girl who will make her own decisions and won't feel pressured by what I feel is right. You make your own decisions based on what works for you and your new family :) I've spent months trying to be careful with my old friend b/c she has someone in her family she looks up to who is a pediatrician. The doc was going to give her all the free formula she needed...no talk about breast vs. bottle. Now that her child is born, she's understanding some of what I said. And they see Deedlebug and realize that he's turning out ok...I'm not some crazy, crunchy granola hippie :)

I'll send you links about all this stuff, if you're bored you can read up ;) I think breastfeeding is important because human milk is for human babies. There’s protein in human milk that makes a baby’s brain grow faster…because that’s what human babies need. There’s a protein in cow’s milk that makes a baby cow grow faster…because that’s what he needs. Almost all formula is made from the leftover stuff after processing dairy. There have been formula recalls. Breastfeeding exercises proper facial and jaw development. It adapts to the needs of an infant (if the baby is premature, it adapts to that…if it is summer, it is more watery.) Breastfeeding reduces the chances of breast and ovarian cancer in the mother. It’s a natural child spacer. And I truly believe that’s how God intended we care for our infants. There are SO many things that breastfeeding provides that formula doesn’t provide (even the “best” formula) and it’s free. Don’t worry about dad, he can and will bond with the baby in other ways…besides, at first he should be taking care of Mommy J
You can attend La Leche League meetings…even before you have the baby. It will help you prepare and answer any questions. Plus most groups have a good library on parenting. Free to members, if you’re not a member, they ask you to write a check for the value of the book…it will be returned when the book is returned. Also, even if you don’t go or aren’t a member, feel free to call your local LLL leader with questions or concerns.

I mentioned a sling would be something I would buy. If you haven’t seen one, it’s basically a strip of fabric you can use to carry your baby. The one I recommend is the Maya Wrap. It’s not “padded” but you can spread it out. I still use it with Deedlebug…it’s good for up to 35 or 40 lbs. You can cradle carry with a newborn, kangaroo carry with a baby w/ good head control, hip carry w/ a baby with good head control and back carry with a toddler. What other carrier can do that and fold to fit in your diaper bag? J I’ll send some links so you can check it out for yourself (if you want, I’ll try to make one and send it…I’m having a hard time finding rings though.) Most pack carriers aren’t good for babies before they can hold their heads up. Also, some researchers have suggested that it’s not good to have them sitting up w/ legs spread at spine compressed at an early age. Slings are also GREAT for discreet nursing…the tail of the Maya Wrap can be used like a blanket to cover baby.

With Deedlebug we have also decided not to spank. Both of us were abused as children and we don’t want to risk “losing it.” There are so many other forms of discipline, and if you know where your child is developmentally, you can work with them where they are at. One author made a good point when she said: Imagine that the person who you love with all your heart and who normally treats you in a loving manner suddenly hurts you. (I didn’t put it in quotes b/c I know I don’t have exactly) That’s how a young child sees it. I try not to yell even, because I see him start to act the same way. No matter what people say, I do think it teaches the lesson that it’s ok to hit…someone who is littler.

Ok, now that you know more than you wanted to know…

I just want to say I am SO happy for you. You guys will be WONDERFUL parents.…what a lucky baby. I’m in love with your little one already.